A Pirates Life for Me
by CigarsAllAround
Summary: Wade Wilson babysitter extraordinaire? Logan sure hopes so. He needs someone to keep his daughter Anna-Marie out of trouble while he whisks his wife Raven away for a night of pure bliss. Surely Deadpool is the right man for the job? AU. Based off an RP.


**This story is based off an RP featuring myself and IAmZandra. Sometimes the best ideas come right off the back of RPs, just ask Z. In the Role play I'm Rogue, Raven and Wade. Z plays a Logan that I am in love with. Seriously. **

**Anyway. In this universe Rogue has recently been regressed to the age of five, Logan and Raven are now married. This is our happy little family. (Personalities and such quirks are mine and Z's creations. And we had such a blast doing it.) **

**There's something about this family that draws me in, so I just had to write this. I hope you feel the same way and like the Logan family too, or I will set Z on you and she will be channelling her inner Logan. You have been warned. **

**Please enjoy!**

**

* * *

**

**A Pirates Life For Me**

**

* * *

**

"Daddy, Ah can't see him." Anna Marie Logan peered through the bars of the balcony, her stuffed penguin Cobain tucked under her arm. "He's late again."

Logan glanced up from the case he was packing and sighed. "Goddamn mercs." He growled to himself and shook his head. "He'll be here real soon, Darlin'."

She huffed, sat down on the ground, crossed her legs and set her best friend in her lap. "Cobain, we're gonna have fun when mama an' daddy leave. Real good fun. An' we get tah be pirates makin' all the stupid students walk the plank so they get chomped on by the big gator."

He grinned in amusement as his daughter happily chatted away with her penguin and went back to his packing. Logan was finally treating his wife to a night in a shit expensive hotel. It was hard to surprise Raven at the best of times, but the fates were finally smiling down on him. At least he hoped they damn well were or he would shred them to ribbons.

Raven stepped out of the bathroom in her little black dress. "Are you sure this is one of your better ideas, husband of mine?"

Logan raised an eyebrow. "Course it is. And you like all my ideas. Admit it, Woman."

She wrapped her arms around her husbands neck and kissed him tenderly. "I like _some _of them. But asking a mad man like Wade Wilson to watch our daughter certainly isn't one of your finest moments."

He smirked and slowly swept his calloused hands down her back until they found her behind. "He ain't mad, just a little nuts in the head department. But Deadpool's good with Anna and she loves spending time with him."

Raven brushed her lips against his. "I have a bad feeling about this. They'll probably run away to the nearest ocean, commandeer a ship, find a crew of cutthroats in a bar and be off sailing the high seas before we've even sampled the champagne."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Now you're just exaggerating and there's no need to worry-" He frowned and squeezed her ass. "How did you know about the champagne?"

He certainly wasn't going to drink the horse piss but he'd ordered the finest of bottles to be in their penthouse hotel suite for when they arrived.

"I found the confirmation letter in your jacket pocket." Raven smiled and kissed him again. "You ordered champagne and a penthouse suite with a hot tub on the balcony."

"Damn it, Ray." Logan rested his forehead against hers. "It was supposed to be a surprise."

"I don't like surprises." She whispered back.

"Well you're going to have to start liking them." He growled in reply, giving her perfect backside a warning pat. "You any idea how long it took me to work out all the details, track down Wade's ass-"

Anna heard the sound of a motorcycle roaring through the gates and screamed excitedly, almost sending Logan jumping ten foot in the air.

"Damn feral hearing." He grumbled, stepping back from his wife and quickly zipping up his case. "And I bet she don't act like that when I come home."

Raven laughed at how cute the big bad Wolverine sounded right now. "James, you're pouting and I can finally see where Anna gets it from."

"I ain't pouting." Logan snorted, carrying the case and setting it down by the suite door. He looked up and clicked his tongue in annoyance when he spotted Deadpool climbing onto the balcony. "Wade, we've got a door, so use it next time!"

"CHERUB!" Wade shouted happily, holding out his arms to the little girl.

"Uncle Wade!" Anna cried, jumping in his arms and giggling when he tickled her. "Ya late. Ah thought ya weren't comin'."

He gasped in mock horror. "I know, yes, yes I'm late." He ran through the doors and into the main suite still holding the girl. "Can you keep a secret, Cherub?" Anna nodded. "The pirate police were after me."

"Did ya stick it tah 'em an' make 'em eat dirt?" She asked, wide eyed and glancing over his shoulder in case they burst through the door.

Logan shook his head at his daughter and friend. "The cops are the good guys, Darlin'. And your Uncle Wade had better not have been running from them."

"Oh, Logie Bear, I didn't smell you there." Wade cracked a grin. "That rhymes! I'm a poet and I didn't know it." Then he raked his eyes up and down Raven's blonde haired, blue eyed form and winked at her.

Growling, Logan narrowed his eyes. "You're late."

"The pirate police wouldn't leave me alone. They never leave me alone!" Deadpool wailed dramatically at the ceiling. "Why can't they just leave me alone!"

"'Cause they're annoyin' bastards an' don't like pirates." Anna grumped, scowling at the thought of those horrible pirate police picking on her uncle Wade.

"Anna Marie!" Logan barked sternly. "Watch yer mouth."

"Now, now, now." Wade waved his finger in Logan's face. "Let's not have any of that. Why are you still here? Don't you have a hotel bed to roll around in/on/under/beside."

Raven crossed her arms. "This is ridiculous, James. I'm not leaving our daughter with this moron."

Wade's face dropped and he whimpered. "Oh that hurt, Mystie. I've got lots of fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun activities planned for me and the Cherub."

He lifted Anna up in the air and began flying her around. "You're a plane, a dive bomber and we're on an island crawling with pirate police." Wade cackled and weaved her around Logan and Raven. "Look, there's one now! And it's ugly, hairy and short!"

Anna's high pitched giggle made the growl in Logan's throat die. He supposed this jackass weren't too bad if he made the Wolverine's little girl laugh like that.

"That's mah daddy, Uncle Wade."

"No, this is pretend, you have to pretend." Wade replied with a whisper. "Now try again. What are you going to do, Captain Kid?"

"Ah'm gonna bomb him!" She growled, throwing pretend grenades at her daddy. "BOOM! Ah hit the ugly, hairy, short one!"

"And what noise did it make again, Cherub?"

"_BOOM_!" Anna threw her arms in the air and pounded on the ceiling for added effect.

Logan rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. "Okay. The ugly, hairy, short one has some rules to go over before he leaves along with his stunning, sexy, beautiful wife." He winked at Raven hoping she wouldn't have a face like thunder for the entire night.

"Daddy, Ah bombed ya." Anna huffed and shook her head in disappointment. "Bombed folks don't talk rules."

"This one does." Logan responded, eyeing both Anna and Wade with a stern look. "So listen up. No leaving the grounds unless its an emergency. Her bedtime is eight o'clock, no later. I don't want to hear she's been running around the place causing a ruckus after bedtime _or _at all."

"Yes, fantastic. Well done you. Take a bow and we'll applaud." Wade set Anna on her feet and began clapping his hands. "Beautiful performance, Jimmy.

Anna copied her Uncle Wade and began clapping, stopping to help her Penguin clap his wings together. Cobain didn't like being left out, it made him cry chunks of crushed ice.

Logan rolled his eyes. "I weren't finished, Wade. Now shut the hell up and pay attention. Don't feed her just sugar and no watching Jerry Springer," He gave his daughter a look at that. The girl seemed to like that Goddamn trash.

"Don't go anywhere near the stove, the lower levels, do anything dangerous, dumb or downright stupid. If in doubt ask yourself this: Would Wolverine do what I'm about to do? If the answer is hell no, then don't do it." He took a deep calming breath and raked a hand through his hair.

Had he forgotten anything? Oh, yeah. A set of claws ripped through his knuckles and he held them up to Wade's throat. "Break my rules, I gut you. My daughter gets hurt, I gut you. Got it?"

Deadpool patted Logan on the head drawing a threatening snarl from the feral man's lips. "You are such a worry wart, Logie Bear. Me and the Cherub will be having sensible safe fun. Scouts honour."

"You weren't a scout, Wade."

Logan sheathed his claws and picked Anna up, hugging her tightly. "Be a good little pirate, you hear?"

"Ah'm always a good lil pirate, Daddy."

He snorted and kissed her on the forehead. "Sure you are. Just behave yourself, Anna Marie."

She nodded her head and Logan put her down, gazing at his wife. "You ready to head off, Darlin'?"

Raven scowled at all in the room apart from her daughter, this really was ridiculous. Wade Wilson as a babysitter. What next? Henry VIII as a woman's rights activist? Madonna striking a pose as she scrubbed toilets in McDonalds? Raven Emily Logan cutting up her credit cards, becoming a nun and living a life free of sexual gratification and pleasurable kinkiness in a damn nunnery in the middle of the English countryside? Not likely.

She walked over to Wade, arms crossed and glaring. Leaning in to whisper in his ear, her eyes narrowed. "I will rip off your balls if my daughter isn't safe, happy and smiling when I return, Wilson."

Logan chuckled at his wife's threat and picked up the suitcase. "C'mon, Ray. I don't wanna be stuck in rush hour traffic."

Raven sighed and ignored Wade's eyebrows wiggling suggestively. She had just threatened him and he was flirting with her using his hairy facial features. He really was a mad man.

"Anna, sweetheart, have fun." She remarked softly to her daughter, brushing a loving hand through the girl's curly hair. It was so pretty when it curled like that.

"Will ya bring meh back a present, Mama?" Anna asked, pouting up at Raven and using her I-want-a-new-toy face.

"No." Logan answered for his wife. "We'll only be gone a night. You don't need any more toys, you've got plenty already. And don't use those puppy dog eyes on your mama, Anna. You know I don't like it when you do that."

Anna huffed and ran back over to her Uncle Wade, she hated it when her Daddy was real strict and boring. Pirates needed lots and lots of toys too. Everybody knew there was nothing to do on a big pirate boat other then play with toys and eat chocolate treasure.

Wade ruffled the Cherub's hair and grinned at Logan and Raven. "Have fun, kiddies. And remember, Jimmy. Don't be a selfish lover."

"What does that mean, Uncle Wade?"

"Nothing." Logan growled, opening the suite door and waiting for his wife to walk ahead of him. "Your Uncle Wade just made a stupid joke which weren't funny at all." He smiled at Anna. "See you later, Darlin'."

"Bye, Daddy. Bye, Mama." Anna giggled when Wade picked her up and sat her on his shoulders.

Raven took one last look at her daughter and left the suite. Wilson was a fool but she knew he would never do anything to harm Anna. He loved the little girl just as much as James and herself did.

Logan winked at his kid and shut the suite door softly. Catching up with Raven, he could smell the reluctance and slight nervousness rolling off her in waves. "Hey, don't worry. She's gonna be fine."

"I hope you're right, James."

"I'm _always_ right, Ray." He smirked, leading her to the garage with an arm around her shoulders. "And I sure as hell can't wait to rip that indecent dress of yours off your body."

She smiled and relaxed at his touch. "Oh, my dress isn't indecent, my legs are just long."

Logan snorted and leant back to eye her gorgeous bare legs as they walked. Hell, his woman was one of a kind and gorgeous to boot. He was the luckiest guy alive. He had a mischievous little pirate as a daughter and an equally mischievous, yet shapely, classy and wonderful wife. Shit. His life couldn't get any better right now.

"Yep. And they always look their best wrapped around my waist as I pound you into the mattress."

Raven raised an eyebrow. "You're not only full of adamantium, but charm too. I'm surprised and rather impressed."

With a feral grin, Logan playfully slapped her ass and chuckled at her startled yelp. Yeah, troubles, battles and enemies be damned, he loved his life and his wife's ass.

* * *

Wade and Anna stood beside each other on the balcony waving as they watched the jeep leave the institutes grounds.

"Hmm." Wade sighed, sweeping his fingers through his invisible beard.

Anna cocked her head to the side and smiled. "Hmm." She repeated, copying his exact gestures.

"You're a very hairy little lady if your beard is that long. You must take after your mother, Cherub." He crouched down and tugged at her invisible beard which reached her feet. "And it's real. Wow. You really are your mothers daughter."

"Mah Mama don't have no hairy chin, Uncle Wade." She giggled, hugging Cobain. "Daddy's the hairy one. An' Ah don't really have a beard, it's pretend."

"Yes, and this is the land of pretend." Wade whispered in her ear, voice high pitched and squeaky. "Pretend. Is. Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun! So what would you like to do first with your fun, fun, fun, fun uncle?"

Anna frowned in concentration, walking away to the edge of the balcony to confer with her penguin for a moment. A couples of minutes passed and she nodded at her black and white toy.

"We've come tah a decision." She announced seriously, taking a running jump and landing in Deadpool's arms.

"Oh, and may I, Wade Winston Wilson, be privy to such a decision?" He swung her around and shot into the main suite, leaping on Logan and Raven's bed. He began bouncing up and down with the girl still in his arms.

"We gotta watch Jerry, eat loadsa ice cream an' cookies, then play!" She shouted cheerfully, laughing when her Uncle Wade's head got stuck in the silky material of the four poster beds canopy.

"Aaaaaand replace this ugly, filthy, disgusting, heinous material." Wade grinned. "I wonder if we can find a pirate flag anywhere?"

Anna just giggled.

* * *

"Ray, this ain't like you." Logan sighed, pulling his jeep to a sudden halt behind a ridiculously expensive Jag. "Damn traffic jams."

"It is when we leave Anna to fend for herself. She's five years old, James!" Raven snapped, fiddling with a switch beside her and watching her window automatically roll down., then back up, then down again.

He rolled his eyes. When his wife fidgeted it meant he had to tread carefully or he'd have a vase thrown at his head. A vase, a plate of food, a pair of shoes, books, a heavy as fuck toolbox (With all the tools in, damn it! She was lucky she hadn't cracked his skull open. Even though that had been her intention all along.)

And what about the time his woman had chucked a plate at the back of his head! The damn missile had shattered on impact and it hurt, not that he would ever have admitted it. He was the Wolverine after all.

"James, you're growling. Why are you growling?" Raven questioned, eyeing him with a mixture of concern, amusement and… arousal? Oh, his wife loved it when he growled.

"Not growling, thinking. I was just thinking over a few things." Logan grumbled, not bothering to hide his annoyance. He sighed and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel impatiently. "We haven't left Anna to fend for herself. And even _if _Wade manages to screw everything up, she ain't alone. Chuck, Hank, 'Ro, Red and Cyke are there among others."

"I'm not sure I trust your judgement."

"Well, I did choose to marry you, darlin'. So I wouldn't trust my judgement either." He smirked, ignoring the warning look directed at him.

Pleased his wife wasn't surrounded by vases to sling at his head, Logan smiled. Yep, life was real good and it could only get better.


End file.
